It's what keeps you young . . .

I have discovered that I am one of those individuals tht seems to be in a constant state of change. There just seems to be so many options "out there", why settle for not experiencing something new.

I'm not referring to huge changes, though I have done that in the past - ie: retiring, selling the house, heading to Europe, etc. It's the details that can sometimes make a difference. Examples: I've started using a whole different range of spices in my cooking. I'm partial to Penzey's [if you've not had a chance to go into one of their retail outlets, it's an amazing sensory adventure!].
I've also been clothes shopping recently. Having lost a few extra pounds, I needed to change the wardrobe[!]. Instead of heading to the familiar boutiques, I decided to give some new shops a try. Voila! A whole different look.

One thing seems to lead to another: a different route to work several times a week; different music on the radio; trying new wine varitals; etc, etc. Maybe there's just a part of me that doesn't want to be predictable. And maybe there's a part of me that wants to be sure I'm not missing out on anything really worth the experience.

A Mother's Story

For a few days now, I have been trying to formulate in my head and my heart a blog that would speak to the loss of my child. My younger son took his life two weeks ago. So many questions that will never have answers.

Those that knew him from years ago, remember the intelligent, witty, kind and handsome guy that made no enemies and had a loyalty for friends that knew no bounds. The posted messages from friends, parents of friends, former teachers, and those whose lives he came in contact with are a testament to how many people one life can touch.

This is also the guy that slowly began slipping into a darkness that most of us can not, nor should not, have to comprehend. Watching your child fight for reality and realize there is little if nothing you can do as a parent, has to be one of the most painful experiences for a person to endure.

Our children are often referred to as our link to the future. But I really feel it is more than that. Like a pebble thrown in the water, that ripple-effect of their time on earth, no matter how long or how short, has an impact. As a mom, my hope is that we are all better people because we had Joe in our lives for awhile.

Paying close attention . . .

It's finally that time of year when I notice the days truly are getting longer. I get up in the morning, head out the door, it's not the middle of the night - as I've been prone to think and grumble - but actually time to be up and out!

When the weather/news sources post the sunrise and sunset times, the differences day to day seem so minute that a person wouldn't think it makes any difference at all. But cumulatively [obviously!] it does.

I'm guessing this little bit of difference can make a whole lot of difference in other areas: counting calories, taking the stairs instead of the elevator, spending habits . . . and that's just in my little part of the world.

I wonder if "the powers that be" ever pay this close attention?

Re-booting

Just as the 'old' year was coming to a close, I began to experience technical difficulties . . . having computer issues ranks right up there with car problems. Of course I went through the litany of: shut down, unplug everything, and as a last resort, call for help.

Once again, I was struck by how 'events' in every day life often mirror human nature. The end of the calendar year has never been in my list of top ten happenings, and yet, New Year's Day is absolutely my favorite. I've come to realize that by Dec. 31, it's time for me to reboot: unplugging, shutting down, and if necessary, call in the support of people who truly love and care for me.

I'm happy to report that the computer glitches have all been taken care of and me, well, I'm rebooted for yet another year!

Perceptions

Now that the political season has calmed down a bit, I am once again struck by how every person has a perception of "what is the right thing to do" and I'm really not referring to governmental politics. [As we know, the word "politics" refers to the interaction amongst people, so it's not just about running the government.]

I would imagine that everyone has situations in their life that they don't have a lot of control over. There are choices to be made: cry about how unfair life is that this has happened; ignore it all, because it might go away; complain about how the situation and gaze at that 'greener grass' over the fence; or put energy into action.

For me the challenge is to not allow the comments and questions from others distract me from what you know in my own heart to be the direction I need to be headed. "You should/shouldn't be doing . . . [fill in the blank]." Or, "Why are you doing/not doing . . . ?"

Without getting too specific . . . I have a friend who is terminally ill. Nothing is going to change that. What appears to be the most passionate ideal in this person's life, is something that I can help sustain through my own efforts. And to that end, this is where I'm putting my energy.

Coming up for air . . .

There are several different posts that have been formulated in my head . . . and just haven't gotten done. So - time to get writing!

Not long ago a group of really good friends, the kind that you have worked with for 20, 30 years plus - who have shared weddings, divorces, health scares: the good, the bad, the ugly - all headed "to the lake" for the weekend. This is an annual trip that has been going on for almost 30 years.

It use to be that we spent time boating the waters, tanning, eating, drinking, etc., with discussions of men, diets, fashion . . . secret plans, hopes and dreams.
The last few years have been a bit slower pace, reminiscing on those crazy times, but still eating and drinking and cherising the moments together.

There are times when a person just needs to have 'the predictible'. For me it is knowing that this trip will include an afternoon of high tea at a wonderful tea house; a trip to the outlet mall for perceived bargains; those got-to-have chocolate chip cookies; and checking in with our favorite boutiques in those little towns on the way home.

Maybe it's the time of the year, but I can't help feeling that these trips have become more and more important because there may not be 30 more years of them happening. These are the memories that stay.

Another journey taken . . .

It was just something that had to be done. A personal "thing", perhaps a bit defiant on my part, but something to be proved to no one but myself.

Sixty miles in three days. I had tried this once before, and through inexperience or just plain stupidity, I wasn't able to 'go the distance'. [Hard to talk about this without a lot of tired cliques . . .] But now I can say, "I did it. ALL 60 miles."

I'm referring to the Susan G. Komen, The 3 Day walk I participated in Sept. 12-14 in Seattle, WA. The reasons why various people participate in this event are as numerous as the people who are there [3500 in Seattle]. The motives are valid, the stories incredible, and the people you meet . . . well, nothing like having 3500 new best friends.

For me, the 60 miles represented the every day frustrations that try to beat a person down. Like walking against a river current, if you're not careful, you'll slip and fall or be swept away in the wrong direction. These were the two images I held in my mind during the hours of traipsing around Seattle.

For awhile, it's going to be easier to get through the day without letting 'the day' try to bring me down: I did it; and nothing can ever change that.